POSTED: 20 Jul 2019 04:34
I grew up in a Christian home, with Christian parents. I went to church every Sunday, and I heard all these great stories about this old guy named Jesus. He did some really amazing stuff, then somehow actually was God, and saved me in some crazy way! And of course, being a kid, I believed that stuff. Jesus was a really cool superhero!
But then, when I was nine, without any warning, I changed schools. I hated my parents for doing that to me, all my friends, all my 'life' was taken away by them. But most of all, I hated God. The way I knew Him, I thought: "If he can make a blind man see, why can't he let me stay at my old school?! Some hero he is!"
After that, I ignored my Sunday school classes, I hated every moment of Bible class, and it got so bad, I ended up throwing away my Bible.
Without that "book of rules" I was carefree, I could lie, cheat, steal, and be cool without any rules or voices in my head.
I was so careless about rules, I used to throw basketballs at my future girlfriend during recess. That was a bad mistake. I hate it whenever she brings that up....
Anyways, I just didn't care. I didn't care about respect, I didn't care about life, I didn't care if I hurt anyone. I was immune and insensitive to everything.
Then, in fourth grade, when I was about 10, I started to hurt people verbally. I even sexually harrassed a couple girls at one point. One of which, being my girlfriend, (whom I will call "Y" for the majority of this blog). I left a scar in their hearts that I would give anything to fix, but I can't now, and I couldn't then.
About a week later, those girls got together and told the school counselor, and the principal. I am lucky I am still in that school. The punishments were huge. I don't remember one moment that I wasn't hyperventilating, or speaking really fast nonsense.
I wanted to die.
But there was something strange that happened when I looked at Y. Standing in that office, with two others on either side of her. Even though she had just told everyone in that room what I did, she didn't look angry like everyone else. In fact, she looked sad, and embarrassed that I looked at her.
But that look. That one look of pure disappointment broke my heart. I finally cared. I was filled with shame at what I had done to those three human beings.
I wanted to go back and erase myself from their lives. I was crying every night all night. I never slept.
Eventually I wrote them all letters saying just how sorry I was, how ashamed I was of it, and how I didn't mean to hurt them.
I only got one response. The other two left the school. Y said she would pray for me, and wrote down some verses.
That suprised me. A lot. I had no idea how she could even speak to me, or have any faith in me. Then I realized, her faith was truly in God. She saw me as God's child, lost, and wounded. She had faith that God would make something good come from what I did. And indeed, that was the Holy Spirit shaking me awake from the life of darkness I was living. I wanted to know more about the faith she had. Even though I wasn't allowed to talk to her, I learned more and more about this Jesus guy, and that He didn't do amazing things to impress us, He did it to help those He loved. I learned He loves me too, that He created me, and He died the humiliating, repulsive, bloody death of a criminal to pay the price for my sins once and for all.
I accepted this truth, and found a love, joy, and peace like nothing else. I also felt forgiven for what I did to those girls. "Never again." I told myself.
Coincidentally, I got baptized on Y's birthday. The church gave me a shirt that says "I HAVE DECIDED", and a Bible.
Since then, I have devoted my life to my Lord and Savior, God and King, Jesus Christ. I want His will to be fuffilled in me, and since I'm going to heaven, I might as well drag as long as many people as I can with me.
In other words, I'm not just gonna sit still singing hymns. I wanna spend all the time I can sharing the good news I have, and helping those who already have accepted it. No matter what obstacles I face!
God lives in me now. And whatever place in my heart that Satan found, God has taken over, and I want the world to see Him in whatever I do.
I love God, and He loves me!
Thanks to my underpaid but greatly appreciated editor, this is completely free from any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. :)