Thank you Austin for helping my profile not look like a pile of dookie




image by @blindthesun on Instagram


I’m Asparagus and I’m awesome.

I did not think about my username when I made it.

I’m happily married, only 28 (not in my “30s”), queer (proud “troonette” 😂🖕), and I work with seniors planning and facilitating fun activities like bingo based on the funny holiday of the day, bubble tea bars, and way more. 💖 I enjoy going for walks, petting my dog, doing puzzles, and smoking marijuana. Anyway…

I’m 3 years sober from alcohol and constantly improving myself. 🔥 I’ve been in therapy for my many issues that I thought were resolved until recently, but I guess we all get opportunities to show our strength. So instead of going full blast like old me would, I hope instead my little messages are received loud and clear. I’m pretty proud of myself for how far I’ve come and I’ve still got a way to go. Maybe focusing on myself is the right way to go. Balance.

Ask me anything! I’ve been here since 20 Feb 2010, on a couple different accounts. I like to switch it up. You may have known me as Trarg, Asparagus, Cabbages, or Lettuce. If we had beef, pls give me a chance to reintroduce myself and I will give you a chance, too. I was in a continuously bad place until literally 2024. I’m feeling good now and wasn’t nice as I should’ve been to some people. Some of y’all deserved it tho. 😄😄😄 Jk. Anyway, I’m here to have a good time. Let’s keep the site fun.

Fun facts about me:

👎 My least favorite thing to do is my laundry

🦊 I owned a fox! His name was Pivot because he was born with his hips and legs fused straight. I rehabbed him until he sadly passed away due to underlying health conditions. 💔 I’m huge into rescuing animals. I’ve rescued baby birds, cats, dogs - most recently, I adopted a dog named Chewie whose owner (one of my residents) was having a difficult time taking care of her.

🔪 My mom was once under investigation for murder (because my dad passed away - they ruled her out)

🫑 My favorite vegetable is asparagus, and I hope it makes you all think of me when you eat it. ❤️ I love onions and peppers, and I think broccoli is misunderstood. She just has to be prepared correctly. I was a vegetarian off and on for a few years, but meat is just too delicious.

I LOOOVE cooking. It’s the underrated creative outlet. Everyone thinks writing, or art, or pottery. Which I love too, don’t get me wrong, but it’s fun to make up spice blends or cook things in just the right way!

😅 I have hypothyroidism, which causes hormone imbalance and weight gain. It’s annoying and I’ve been working hard to help myself through it.

🛝 I think seniors have the answers to life and children have the key to happiness. They’re both full of wisdom and both hugely ignored groups of people.

I’ll catch you in a chat.


WE LOST OUR CHILD, @BANMAN