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On a Hunt to find his dog Part1

Comments

Avatar PrincessChanny
24 Nov 2011 18:58
Its good but try and use punctuactions to cache peoples eyes.
Avatar a.smith
10 Nov 2011 23:38
cant wait for the next one anyway. nice story =] im just suprised someone agreed with me o.e
Avatar DethDude
10 Nov 2011 23:29
Quoth a.smith:
its good.... but you could use more than just speech. You need to say more than 'said'. e.g. 'asked' 'replied' 'agreed' 'whispered' 'cried' e.c.t. also you should show more detail.... you know, use senses and stuff. it will be a bonus and the story would sound a ot better. though its an ok story anyway. +1


Like he/she said. ↓
Avatar DethDude
10 Nov 2011 23:28
Great story. You just need to work on your spelling. There are times when you need Commas, periods, etc. When you said, "Let go!" You should say, "Let's go!" When you say it like this, "Let go". It means you want to let go of something. Also, be sure to capitalize the I's. Example, "I'm, I, I've, I'll". Also, Capitalize contrary, names, days of the week, months of the year.

But, please continue. I really like it!

1+

~Razer8
Avatar M.J kInG
10 Nov 2011 15:01
Thank for the tip.
Avatar a.smith
10 Nov 2011 07:17
its good.... but you could use more than just speech. You need to say more than 'said'. e.g. 'asked' 'replied' 'agreed' 'whispered' 'cried' e.c.t. also you should show more detail.... you know, use senses and stuff. it will be a bonus and the story would sound a ot better. though its an ok story anyway. +1
Avatar M.J kInG
10 Nov 2011 04:43
Sure thing@Modded
Avatar ModdedGameV.3.0
10 Nov 2011 04:38
Next time,fix your spelling :p

4/5
Avatar M.J kInG
10 Nov 2011 04:05
Hope you guys like.
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