Well rn i am in church typing snd ppl are have fun and worshiping god and stuff thenni relies that they have there live all together and i dont thet they know what they want and then know ehat they are going to do in life but me ahah just fucking struggling to even keep my self alive i dont want to live but i do so my sisters dont kill them self out of depression i can take the fact that i am jealous of ppl who got there life together . I almost cryed judt see them happy. My brother was right that i dont know what i want i just fucking hate that he’s right the fact he know i was a mistake and he know that i have hurt myself and lied about it blaming my dogs for my cuts in my arm he knows i hate my self and i know i am not alone but it sure does feel like it. I cant even go to a fucking therapist with out fearing of my aunt i cant even express my self my out my aunt saying that i am being be dramatic i am just done i dont have the energy to be happy anymore i am done. well i am crying rn writing this cuz i know all the shit is true i am sorry i really am