Day 987: Today I used the couch as a scratching post. My captors got angry but that didnt stop me. After i was yelled at and thrown outside i decided to go anoy the neighborhood dogs. I found a wonderful place to sit. 2 feet away from a chained bulldog. At first he wasn't very friendly but after I kept poking him on the nose he just went insane. So i left there and went back home where i took a nap.

I also destroyed a beutiful turkey while it was sitting out to cool down. It was delicious but now i'm in "time out".