Valentines day is that spacial day once a year when giant trees eat people, and we gather around to worship a giant mouse by the name of Micky. Valentines day was first founded by the wizard of Oz in the year 2026 BC. He needed an excuse to be late for work at the airport so he said it was a holiday. And upon questioning he said the famous phrase: “Screw those elves, I'm going to Disneyworld.” He then drawded a heart and told everyone to look at it. And look at it they did. Festivities on Valentines day include the gathering of billions of people on the Northern coast of Mexico to watch the beluga whales fly away to their home, on the moon. Kicking cans and eating fudge are also popular things to do on Valentines day, also you hand out cards to people you dislike, in hopes of giving them papercuts. Chocolate (CHOCOLAAATE!!!) is also given to yo peeps to show your appreciation for them not staying under $20 limit for the gifts they gave you on Christmas. The chocolate is made by cheap chocolate companies such as "Hershey" and "Geico". Also small winged pople fly around and shoot people with arrows, which has caused many a massacure. The government has decided to counter act this by setting up anti-air guns at strategic locations around the US of A. But Valentines day is not celebrated everywhere though. In Asia for example, Valentines day is a day of sadness, for gnomes come out of the Himalayas in hopes of eating all of the first born children. But after Valentines day is over these gnomes turn into gummi bears which are eaten, along with partridge and rattlesnakes and breakfast cereals and grapes and cheap Geico chocolate and led and cows and pineapples and ducks and oranges and watermelon and fish and kangaroos and donut holes and wheat bread.