Dear King Julian,
I hear you just got a new pet swine, how are it's toenails? Next time you plan on entering a pickle-eating contest, you may wanna warn me. My life is fine and dandy, when i asked Billy what he wanted for breakfast this morning, he said, "Why do you want to pry into my personal life on such short notice?", I was surprised so I responded by saying "No charges will be upheld against you, only because you're my butler". I'm pleased to have bought a cat instead of a dog mostly because it's cheap labor and stuffz. Well, I'm about to dis-own my own mother so I'd better leave!
Your cousin,
Bob Sagget