sitting here alone,
my arms throb..
stinging up through my shoulder...

dayum.. they hurt.
i went too far this time..

do i need stitches?

oh God help me stop...
i cant do this alone any longer..
i told you im not getting any stronger! !

but in this darkness there is no light,
so help me regain my sight, when
everyday is always night.

the blade calls me even now...
i still here her words.. 'God alexis, your such a cow! '

make it go away!
make me forget!
make me not be such an idiot!

great... its seeping through my sweatshirt sleave..
what do i do? ? ? ?
how do i make it stop?
the blood
and the thoughts?

should i make it all end myself...? ..
i dont know...

but if i make it through this...
how will i make the HATE ME carved into my arm not show?

God, .. im such a freak.
but am i really?

i think its up to me to make this all go away..
make the pain stop...
make the blood drip its last drop...

just, please, MAKE IT STOP! ! ! ! ! !
i dont want this anymore..

my proud scars..
cover my arms, my legs and stomach, and hips..

they remind me of my life's roller coaster flips.
up and down and scary turns.

..making me fear of the next heartbreak up ahead...
taunting me with the box of razors under my bed.

should i hide them, or should i run? ...
from every love...from everyone? ? ?

do they give me strength for tomorrow, ...or do they just remind me of my sorrow?

should i cover them up, or be proud?

i dont know wether to laugh, or to scream aloud.
.. am i strong enough to open my eyes and enjoy this roller coaster ride?

or am i still.. at war inside?