Hello! I'm SystemError, and today I'll be giving you a brief history of the world as the Scientific community has portrayed it to be. Be forewarned, many "important" and "factual" items may and will be subject to omission/paraphrasing/and complete and utter mockery.

Let's begin, shall we?

Ok, billions of years ago, nothing existed. Nothing. Not even nothing itself existed. Crazy, huh? Well eventually the nothing that didn't exist exploded in a huge firey explosion which created the universe. This was called the Bing Bang, or The Instanteneous Combustion That Sparked The Formation Of The Universe, for short and easy use.

During this time, all that existed were single-celled organisms. Not very interesting. All they did was swim around and multiply like rabbits. Which didn't exist yet, so how could they act like rabbits if rabbits weren't real yet? Scientists still haven't found an answer.

One day, a random single-cell had a retarded moment and made a new kind of organism that had multiple cells. Most of the were fish. In fact, after a while, every living thing happened to be some freaky fish type thing. A once again, some random fish just HAAAAD to be different and cause some DNA mishap, creating the first amphibians.

Amphibians. Wet, slimey fish lizards. That's all they were people. Get over it!

Anyways, eventually the amphibians dried up from lack of sea water and became reptiles. Reptiles were the first steroid users. That's how dinosaurs came around. Steroids. Not evolution, just steroids.

Some dinosaurs were allergic to the steroids and grew hairy and tiny. Mammals. That's what made mammals. Steroids. Good Ol' steroids.

And since we are mammals, the rest of history leading up to the current moment you finished this blog is just random events triggered by steroids, DNA screw-ups, and explosions.

I'm so glad you had the attention span to finish this. I also hope I've achieved my goal of baffling you beyond all reason and destroying rational believe in reason and logic based ideas. Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this.