One day away from Christmas, 26 year old Marcus sits at his desk in his small buisness in a small village located in New Jersey. Marcus was a stubborn rotten buisnessman who's only concern was himself and money. His assistant walked up to him. "Sir, what do you say to giving me Christmas off? For free, of course." He said. "Absolutely NOT! You will stay here all night doing inventory!" He snapped back. "Yes sir..." He walked back to his office to work for another 9 hours, with no overtime. Marcus was shuffling through his papers, when he came across a paper that was shredded and un-crumpled. He saw a 13 painted across the paper....painted in blood. It read "13 hours until saccrefice overpowers sin" Marcus doesn't get scared very easily. Or ever. He crumpled up the paper and threw it in the waste basket. "Another death threat? Pfft, they're just jealous of my success!" He said with a grin as he seemed pleased with himself....little did he know a pair of glowing red eyes watched him for the next 13 hours....TO BE CONTINUED....
The story has no structure, it's all just one great block of characters, which is unpleasant to read.
The character development is minimal; I honestly wouldn't care if Marcus spontaneously combusted right now.
The plot, as Nope said, is very rushed, and the grammar/spelling is questionable.
There's next to no environmental description or internal monologue, it's all dialogue or narrative summary.