Epic's spontaneous reviews: Nutella By Epifex

By @Epifex
POSTED: 08 Jan 2012 18:33
CATEGORY: Reviews
FEATURED: Yes (@Nope.avi)
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This is EpicArtifex bringing you another one of his semi-occasional reviews of varying length. This edition's subject: Nutella.

For those of you who have never tried the miracle of food that is Nutella, you're really missing out. Nutella is like chocolate spread, but with hazelnut too. It is bloody delicious.

Overall, I'd give Nutella a rating of 10/10:

Taste

Nutella is delicious. But you're sensible people, you shouldn't have to take my word for it. That's why I've provided this scientific graph:

It tastes mostly of chocolate, because it's primarily a chocolate spread. However, aside from chocolate, it also tastes of hazelnut. It's not really strong, but it goes well with it. I'd give the flavour a rating of 10/10

Replay value

the beauty of Nutella is that it has unlimited replay value. You can eat it and eat it and eat it and you'll never stop thinking it's delicious, that's how good it is. Also, so long as you keep buying more, it lasts forever! The possibilities are limited by only your imagination. You could eat it on a chair. You could eat it on a bus. You could eat it on a plane, on a unicycle, you could eat it while riding a dolphin or playing chess. The possibilities are endless!
I'd give the replay value a score of 10/10

Graphics

Nutella has very clear and high-resolution graphics. The brown colour is excellently shaded, to the point where a jar of Nutella looks completely photorealistic. You can look at the glass under a magnifying glass and you still won't be able to see the pixels. Heaven knows I've tried enough times. I'm not sure if they use vector graphics for it or something, but whatever they are, they're brilliant.
The graphics are easily 10/10

Sound

Nutella sounds really really good when you're crunching a piece of toast smothered in it. Or, for that matter, a slice of bread. Or a croissant, or a burger bun, or basically anything you spread it on and then eat. It sounds really good because it tastes really good!
The sound gets a solid 10/10

All in all, Nutella is really really good, so go eat some. Now.

+9 -0

@Epifex
10 Jan 2012 17:42

If you ask me, anyone who thinks nutella isn't absolutely brilliant needs their taste-buds checked out, but each to their own I guess.

@Dr.Crunchie
09 Jan 2012 21:54

I love Nutella!. :L

@MylesMH
09 Jan 2012 11:55

I lol'd. Nice satire review. I still can't believe it's Nutella.

@BanMan
09 Jan 2012 06:00

I like this review.

@purplepandafish
09 Jan 2012 05:00

You forgot the minigames, all of which are 3D with smell-o-vision: see what you can't put Nutella on and make is delicous, or how much Nutella is enough on a sandwhich (*Spoiler* The answer is &infin

, and my favorite, See who can eat the most Nutella without their brain exploding from awesomeness.

@Doggy433
09 Jan 2012 03:31

Quoth Rainbow-Dash:

Quoth MysticalZoeyquote]Nutella is gross and awful for your health.

Haters gonna Hate[/quote] Bronies gonna love and tolerate.

@SirQuinn
09 Jan 2012 02:26

You also have to include 10/10 for world influence. During the World Wars, there was a shortage of chocalate. Nutella was made to fill that void. So your granddaddy and Great-grandaddy tasted awesomeness long ago. Those traits were inherited, which it make the taste go that much further.

@Kingpin
09 Jan 2012 01:11

Brings back good memories of when I was five, and would sneak to the kitchen at midnight. Dip my finger in the nutella jar, and eat until I feel sick. The next day I would watch as my mom wonders what else to use for breakfast. Good times. Great review.