"There's little value since anyone can get it by just looking down and digging" (comment on dirt) These are clearly the words of an amateur without a Ph.D in minerals.

My specialist area in minerals is dirt so I know its true value and potential for future technology. You see, dirt can be used to directly power pseudoscrewdrivers which are powerful enough to destroy two universes (please don't get into boring physics debates about relativity and the 'multiverse theory'). Dirt therefore is already a pretty valuable mineral. That isn't the rest of its value.

Dirt is also used in cooking to produce what most amateurs call 'mud pies'. However, by culinary professionals they are known as 'fast-food'. As we all know, successful fast-food companies earn too much money so you can only guess at the value here.

Dirt is also a fundamental raw material in nuclear engineering. It is useful as it can be used in reactors to optimize the decay of uranium. Dirt is also used in the process of disposing of nuclear waste safely while without harming wildlife.

Dirt is used heavily by politicians when sucking up to you. They generally use dirt to impede other politicians' path to president/prime minister/whatever. This has been christened 'digging up the dirt' by amateurs although in reality, only a minority of politicians actually dig dirt from the ground. Instead, they buy their dirt from 'anonymous sources'.

Dirt can also be used in hair products to strengthen the hair roots. It is also used in placebo medicines to give it that distinctive 'medicine' taste. Dirt ironically has healing properties. It is used to treat wounds although it is generally used for deep wounds.

Dirt also serves as a potential energy source. Switching to this dirt power allows you to save money and has a payback time of a year.

Dirt can be used for dirty bombs too. Look it up.

The information above makes dirt average at about $1,000,000,000 per ounce so you will be the richest man alive by holding one ounce. Ironically, only the richest man alive can buy it so you're pretty much screwed.