One day Asparagus and GuitarGodAnth were walking along minding their own business and stuff when they were attacked by zombies.

Asparagus and GGA died for cover behind a conveniently placed stack of sandbags.

"Anth, there are zombie things!" Asparagus shouted, struggling to make herself heard over the moaning corpses.

"I can see that!" Shouted Anth, who was busy unpacking his "Mobile Molotov Cocktail Kit." He always carried it on him in case of a zombie attack.

Asparagus scanned their surroundings. There was a fast flowing river about 100 metres to the left with a thin bridge, but there was a massive horde of zombies between them and it.

"Anth, if we can get to that bridge we can bottleneck the zombies and kill them easily!" Asparagus shouted.

"Yeah, or we could chuck explosives at them." Anth said, and did just that.

Entrails and offal showered down on the unlikely duo as ten zombies were ripped to shreds by the blast of the surprisingly powerful cocktail.

Asparagus took on a fighting stance and took out her sunt. The zombies backed away. They may have been brain-dead, but there was nobody in the land who hadn't heard of Asparagus's reputation with sunts.

"Anth, we need to get to the river! Everyone knows the undead can't cross running water!"

Anth chucked another Molotov, but regretted it when a dismembered arm backhanded his face.

"Fine, let's go."

He packed away his Mobile Molotov Cocktail Kit and drew a halberd from his pocket.

"Let's kill zombies and stuff!" He said, and jumped into the fray, Asparagus close behind.

They slashed and bludgeoned at the mass of undead things, Anth with his halberd, Asparagus with her sunt. Heads and limbs were rent from their owners' bodies in the unyielding assault from the two warlords.

Yet, strong as they were, the zombies were many, and they were only two, and about half way to the river they began to tire.

"Anth, my sunt is beginning to crack!" Asparagus shouted over the roar of the zombies.
"And I'm starting to grow a moustache!"

Anth sliced off a zombie's ear, and while it was stunned, punched it in the face. His brow was slick with zombie slime, and his halberding arm was tiring. His features took on a grim expression.

"We'll never make it!" He said. There's just too many of them!"

Asparagus decapitated a zombie with a single roundhouse kick to the head, and then floored another with her battered sunt. With a final, tear-jerking screech, it fell apart in her hands, broken beyond repair.

"No! Sunt!" Asparagus cried.

She thought back to her days of training. How she had found the sunt, abandoned and forgotten. How she had spent hours on end, every night, talking it to sleep, singing it lullabies, and trying to get it to stop crying.

Throughout her life, many of her loved ones had gone, and many more were murdered by zombies, but through all that, her sunt had been the one true constant. It had never abandoned her, and as it broke, she felt something inside of her awake.

Asparagus came out of her flashback to a dismal sight. Anth had been pinned down by three of the zombies, and was struggling to keep them away from his tender, juicy organs.

"Asparagus! Wake up!" He shouted between breaths.

Asparagus raised her head and looked the zombie horde straight on. There was something in her stare. Something animalistic, something brutal. The zombies looked towards her broken sunt, and then towards her face, and they began to get a small inkling of just what they had unleashed.

Asparagus showed no mercy. Zombies fled before her wild rampage, as she disintegrated the creatures with a single punch, destroying everything in her path.

Anth looked on in amazement as the zombies that had had him pinned started coughing violently, then full-on hacking out blood, then they imploded.

The zombies, dumb as they were, began to realise just now that taking these two on was a mistake. Anth jumped to his feet and joined the fray again, redoubling his efforts to destroy as much zombie flesh as possible.

He had not known Asparagus's sunt as well as she, however he had known it well enough in its lifetime to know that it was a good sunt, and had not deserved to go out the way it did.

Asparagus seemed to have abandoned their goal to reach the river, instead concentrating on obliterating all the undead she could see, and quite a few that she couldn't.

Soon, they stood alone in the clearing, surrounded by festering piles of rotten corpses. Anth's halberd was bloody and dented, with remnants of zombie flesh still clinging to its skeletal frame.
Asparagus looked sombrely towards the rising sun, marking the dawn of a new day. The pink and orange tinted clouds heralding a new beginning for the world. A new beginning for Asparagus.

Anth limped over to her, halberd trailing behind. He put one hand on her shoulder. She shuddered slightly, but didn't object otherwise.

"I'm sorry about your sunt, Asparagus." He said nervously.

"It's fine." She said. "It was an honourable way to go. It would have wanted it."

The two stood and watched the sun casting long, ghostly shadows on the bloodied remains scattered about the ground.

"Asparagus. I have to tell you something. Ever since I met you I was sure of this, in fact I've never been so sure of anything in my life... But...I could never find the courage to tell you until now."

Firmly but gently, he turned Asparagus round to face him. His features were bruised and bloody, but beyond the battle damage and scars, his eyes were fixed into a penetrating stare. Asparagus shivered under his gaze and looked away.

"Anth, I-"

"Shhh..."

"Anth, I have to tell you-"

"Asparagus, I love-"

"ANTH, I'M PREGNANT, AND YOUR MOTHER'S THE FATHER."

Anth said nothing. His previously loving stare turned into one not of anger, but complete and utter bewilderment.

"But-"

Anth's sentence was drowned by the sound of jet engines. Intense heat racked the battlefield, and both Anth and Asparagus abandoned all thoughts of character development to face the new threat.

A weevil the size of a skyscraper fell from the sky, a roaring jetpack strapped to his back. He hit the ground with an earth-shattering crash, which sent zombie bodies flying in all directions.

"Muuahahahaha!" The weevil said. "I am the President Weevil, king of all zombies and general evil guy! I see you defeated my zombies... No matter, no matter, I shall simply crush you myself!"

The weevil raised one if its spindly legs, and brought it down on the ground with all the force of a thousand sneezing dinosaurs. The buildings around the two began to crumble and collapse, massive chunks of debris crashed to the ground, creating fissures large enough to swallow a bus.

"Anth! We have to get out of here!" Asparagus shouted.

"But I left the oven on! My crème brulee will burn!"

"You have to let it go, damn it!"

The two sprinted towards the river, but it was no use. The debris was falling fast and hard, and Anth tripped on a zombie leg.

"I think my leg's broken!" He shouted. "You go on without me!"

"Damn it Anth, not today!" Asparagus shouted. She bent down and slung Anth over her shoulder, limping towards the river.

A minibus which had been slung into the air by the weevil's initial drop, orbited the Earth three times and somehow won two Oscars in the process, came hurtling back down towards the two.

Asparagus looked up at her doom, and shed a single tear of regret. She had never got around to buying a parrot and teaching it how to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

The minibus ripped through the air towards her freshly conditioned hair, and stopped two inches away from her scalp. She tentatively looked up towards the underside of the minibus.

To her surprise, it swivelled mid-air and flew towards the President Weevil so fast that it broke the air speed record for minibus throwing. It smashed into the weevil's right buttcheek with overwhelming force.

The weevil started melting, turning into a bubbling puddle of weevil juice. "No! How did you know that my right buttcheek is allergic to minibuses?!"

Once he was gone, Asparagus looked up to see a caped figure hovering above the spot where the minibus had been just moments before.

"David Hasselhoff!" Anth shouted.

David Hasselhoff looked down at them and smiled.

"No need to thank me fellas, all in a day's work!"

Then he flew away into the middle distance.

Then the world exploded and everyone died.

The end.