So the Varthans are stealing the prototype timeship. One could easily assume that they plan to change something in the past... but what? This snippet concludes the chapter. Please provide feedback for this chapter, realizing that it is not the first chapter (probably around 3rd or 4th from the outline) and that introductions of characters are separate from this chapter. This is what is known in plot mechanics as the "inciting incident".
At a time of desperation, after losing two entire planets in the war, the Ha’ajik government commissioned their top scientists and theoretical physicists to develop the timeship. A one-time hubris, now shattered, led them to believe that they could outsmart fate by altering history in their favor. One could consider this their only departure from the id: their one regrettable action. After several failed missions to the past, it became very apparent that history was set in stone.
The Djeha’ajik believed that space-time existed in multiverses, or alternate realities that spawned from each other as both probable and improbable decisions unfolded. In this paradigm, every choice could become a reality, existing in parallel. They were terribly wrong. What they learned is that there is but one reality in one universe. By traveling to the past to in an effort to change an historic event, they could not create a new future. What would instead happen is that no matter how hard they tried, fate prevented the change.
They would learn in many instances that any changes believed to be rippling futureward left history unchanged. Apparently, they were meant to travel to the past before they ever knew it. One could call this the “Möbius Effect.” The thread of time could not unravel for it would breach the unending loop. What has occurred will forever have occurred, and what is to occur has forever meant to occur.
The timeship remains as a relic to the one failure of the Djeha’ajik. It fascinates scientists of temporalogy and social historians who perform comparative analyses between the ship’s logs and historical records. Schools even frequently bring students to view the timeship. Still, many of those born too recently to experience the failures of a few generations ago still doubt the solidity of fate and, thus, keep the timeship far from the only power source in existence that can allow it to break the temporal barrier.
The ship’s doorways close just as the security agents approach it. Somehow the Varthans power up the timeship, and it begins to hover. The Ha’ajik security teams step back. The timeship emits a quiet hum that becomes louder and louder. After a moment, it begins fading across the light-spectrum toward red. Then it becomes a void. A solid black form floats where the ship was, and it zooms rapidly toward the ceiling, shattering the roof with a massive explosion that rains debris throughout the hangar. The Varthans have fled, and no one knows to when they are going.
I think readers would be more interested if you added characters so we can see how these species act outside of war. Other than that I like it.
On a different note I had always imagined that if time would be altered a new time would occur while the other one was still intact.
It's not bad as a whole, but pretty analytical. There's nothing particularly gripping or emotional. I suppose if that's what you were going for then fine, but I think it'd add to the storytelling.
I do have a chapter after this partially written. This introduces the 3 Varthans after they have jumped to the future in the timeship. In my outline, I felt it best to introduce the Varthans through an action scene to show how aggressively they wanted the timeship before delving into why they are doing it.
AMAZING. Now, I think (if you haven't already thought this out) you should do the next chapter from the the Varthans' point of view so we can meet some characters. In the chapter after that, you can go back to the Djeha'ajiks' point of view and switch between the two.