The first step to solving a computer problem is to decide if it's broken. You can do this by smashing up the monitor with a baseball bat which should help you to decide that the computer is actually broken. Most people hate doing this but give the ol' pest a nice big swing! Let off some steam! I AM MAD!!! ARGHHH! Great, the computers broken now have to fix it!

You might want to use some duct tape to mend the monitor. Once you've fixed it (just took me five tries) the screen should come back on with this blog. Now, what you want to do is to check every file on your computer and delete it. Even your C: Drive. It should turn blank. Your computer is now broken.

You fail. You have just broken your own computer and damaged your monitor. But don't worry pet, I'll help ya. What I tend to do is to rage a bit; you might of done this already. You can hit the keyboard, the mouse or even my face (please don't). Now you should notice some form of mess. You'll want to tidy this up. Now you are ready to actually fix the computer.

Try turning it off and on again. This fixes every problem but doesn't always work. It might not work now. Don't worry though. If it does work, I'm a miracle worker. What you should do now is control your anger. Why rage when you knew it wouldn't work? Now focus. What is on the screen? I haven't a clue. Try phoning up for an ICT Technician. I'm just a random bloke.

The ICT geek - I mean technician - should arrive the next day.

Tell him that you tried destroying it with a baseball bat, deleting the C: Drive and turning it on and off and back on. He should start laughing at you. If this happens, force him to work (by legal means please, I can't remember how many ICT technicians were found dead) and by jingo he will work.

After 7 man hours and 7 'tea breaks' he should finally say "You've messed up your computer, buy a new one and please don't read that blog on DSiPaint again." So then you buy a new computer.

YOU'VE FIXED THE COMPUTER! The solution was to buy a new one! Who would of guessed it was so simple?