The creature's chain By Taylorfanrumble

By @Taylorfanrumble
POSTED: 20 Jun 2012 19:33
CATEGORY: Short Story
FEATURED: No (@Haruspex)
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An earsplitting sound echoed through the building. Primela shivered as she stumbled up the stairs. The sound echoed again. Primela started to shake. The sound wouldn't stop, and Primela knew she was being lead straight towards the thing making it.

When she got to the top of the stairs, she collapsed. All the strenght in her body was drained. Her legs felt like jelly. Her head felt like thirteen tons of lead. She couldn't breathe. What was this terrible curse?

Then, she noticed something. The noise stopped, but there was something different. She tried to look up. The last thing she saw was a shadow standing over her.

No one saw Primela after that. Yet, one stupid, stupid boy went looking for her. He found her body, rotting. The same thing that killed Primela, killed him.

The chain hasn't stopped for, about, fifteen years; and the thing that killed all those people think it'll never stop. Yet, that creature is probably right. The killings will never stop, ever.

+0 -0

Taylorfanrumble
03 Feb 2013 22:27

I made this, like, a year ago. Plus, my storys have gotten WAY better (got a 6 out of 6 on a twenty page essay/story). and this was just for fun. but thanks for the 'help.'

Hylianzombie234
03 Feb 2013 18:10

If you want a successful story, you can't just end it like this. If you stopped and thought about what was going to happen in the story, this could've gotten featured. What is the place that they're in? Why was the boy looking for her? Why do people keep going in there, despite the fact that so many people were killed? There are stories that do end in questions, but they never just end like this. I see a good prologue or an introductory paragragh in this. From here, you would either go back in time and describe events before this, or describe events after this. I find this similar to that one Greek myth with the minotaur. Where they threw prisoners in the maze.

Taylorfanrumble
20 Jun 2012 19:55

Sure, message me.

Taylorfanrumble
20 Jun 2012 19:51

I read a lot of horror, mystery, and murder books. Plus, I read blogs in the short story and poem section. I also write a lot, so that helps.

Taylorfanrumble
20 Jun 2012 19:48

Quoth XXDaniiXX:

wow Mia that is strong yet powerful story you defiantly have talent xD

Thanks :3

The creature's chain

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