Good evening members of SDK.

As a frequent surveyor of sites such as deviantART, this site, and other online areas where people can post their fiction or art, it has come to my attention that there is a serious epidemic spreading across the net.

Obsessive-Wolf-Disorder.

You can barely move on deviantART for the masses of pictures of wolves. Seriously, there are wolves everywhere. I'm not sure what people see in these creatures, but people seem totally infatuated with them.

You get pictures of wolves doing people things, wolves walking and talking and wolves who are also princesses because apparently wolves operate in monarchies now. You get wolves who love each other and wolves who turn into people and wolves who are super-magical-fairy-dragon-wolves.

On this particular site I see lots of wolf related crap. Mainly in RPs and those poorly written little stories you get on the bloglists of people nobody knows which are entitled 'Wolf heart' or 'Wolf Princess' or some variation on a sappy wolf-related name. And then you get those people in RPs who are wolves but they're also people and they can cast magic spells and turn into neko-variants and can walk and talk and play chess and burp the alphabet backwards.

So I figured I'd do a little sleuthing and tell you what wolves do, and most importantly, what they don't do.

Wolves-

-Live in nuclear packs (packs which consist of two parents and their offspring).

-Usually mate for life.

-Will establish a new mate quickly in the event of the previous mate's death.

-Live in a male dominant society.

-Urinate and defacate on the floor to mark their territory.

-Usually place their territory markers near landmarks, such as rocks, trees, or significant animal skeletons.

-Rarely adopt lone wolves into their packs.

-Have weaker senses of smell than most dogs and dog-like animals.

-Are fairly intelligent, capable of learning and forming associations between cause and effect. Some can even distinguish between a person who is unarmed and a person who is armed. Some also learn to avoid and detect traps.

-Are more difficult to tame than dogs.

-Prey on weak, small or injured creatures.

-Will, funnily enough, usually avoid attacking a creature if it stands its ground when provoked. This may be down to their ability to recognise when a person or creature is confident.

-Almost always hunt in packs.

-Prefer to hunt when outnumbering their prey.

-Wolves do not bark anywhere near as often as dogs, and primarily use body language and howls as a means of communication.

Wolves do NOT

-Fly.

-Turn into people.

-Turn into any other animals.

-Come in shades of pink, purple, green, yellow, orange, or blue.

-Cast magical spells.

-Talk.

-Walk on their hind legs.

-Spend nearly all their time in trees.

-All have scars on their face that hint at a troubled backstory without directly revealing too much exposition.

-Rule in a monarchy.

-Fight with swords.

-Fight with guns.

-Fight with sword-guns.

-Live forever.

-Use advanced technology such as electronic devices.

-Play chess.

-Burp the alphabet backwards.

-Jump 50 metres into the air.

-Breathe fire.

-Have wings.

-Read minds.

-Shoot fireballs.

-Move stuff with their minds.

-Give a crap about avenging their family.



I hope this has taught you all a valuable lesson.

Wolves really aren't all that awesome.