Members of Paint, I come to you today with dire news.
It's confirmed there are large quantities of the volatile chemical compound known as Dihydrogen Monoxide, also known as 'hydroxl acid' due to its chemical makeup, in many coastal areas. There is speculation over how it got there, but we are looking into several chemical manufacturers in an attempt to discern the source.

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) looks exactly like water, so you'd best be on your guard. Its gaseous state can cause severe burns and scalding, and it is extremely volatile.

Environmental Impacts

It's confirmed that a large amount of DHMO has found its way into rivers, lakes and streams, and will consequently contaminate all natural water supplies connected to the ocean and rivers within weeks if we do not manage to contain it.

DHMO contributes on a large scale to erosion, and is a major component of acid rain.

DHMO also contributes to the 'greenhouse effect' refracting and trapping in harmful UV rays from the sun.

DHMO contributes to the decomposition and corrosion of many metals and natural materials.

There is strong evidence suggesting that dangerously high levels of DHMO in the air, gulfs and streams can contribute to flooding, storms, and other natural disasters.

Personal Risks

DHMO is found in all cancer cells, and there is thought to be a link between DHMO consumption and death. In laboratory studies, 100% of participants who consumed DHMO died eventually.

It is a dangerous conductor of electricity. Sustained immersion in it can cause slowed movements, disorienting feelings of near-weightlessness, and temporary deformation of the skin.

It is known to decrease the effectiveness of the brakes on bikes and automobiles.

In its gaseous form, contact with it will almost always cause severe scalding.

Excessive consumption can cause long term health impairments, and in the short term can cause excessive sweating, vomiting and urine production.

Exercise Caution

Remember that DHMO is indistinguishable from water, so you had better be on your guard, so you don't accidentally drink some. I recommend you live off bottled water until I am able to update you further on the situation.

Good luck, please stay on the lookout for further updates.