Gym: the first place that comes to mind when you wish to lose fat or gain muscle. It's integrated into society now. You have the hardcore gym freaks who have biceps the size of a van and the Average Joes who are a famous dodgeball team.

But I'm talking about normal people like you and me - well, I think I'm normal - who go in January. Why January? It's because I made a new year's resolution which eventually gets broken

I'm on my way to the gym and I see a kid tapping furiously at his phone screen. He's playing football (soccer if you're American) and he keeps shouting "Move Messi! You're rubbish!" despite the fact that Messi holds a record in football which means soccer in American.

What an idiot!

Eventually I arrive at the gym. The receptionist checks my name and spontaneously interjects
"You're banned"
"I'm what?" I reply
"Banned"
Easiest way out of this is to invent an alias.
"I'm not actually [my name] I'm John Smith"
"Oh, sorry John Smith."
And I'm in. Don't ask why I got banned, that's the next blog.

Then I see a gym guy on steroids. He actually looks like a bodybuilder on steroids. He approaches me and cries.
"What's up?" I inquired.
"Why does Babe die?"
"Babe?"
"The pig." he explained.
So a ridiculously strong guy is easily upset?
Great.
"Well I best be off." This creates an escape
route which I promptly take. Hopefully I won't see him again. Then it hits me. Babe never died. So he's a fool.

This next bit is the worst. It's the changing room; a pit of naked men. It's worse when they approach you and actually speak to you whilst they are clearly naked.
"How are you?" one of them asks. I'm feeling traumatised but I reply with
"Fine." That should create a social stalemate. But he then asks
"What you doing?" I'm obviously trying to get changed! I'm actually going to say that
"Getting changed"
"So am I!" Get changed then! Fool! Obviously I didn't say that but it's implied and he finally walks away at last.

This blog is getting fat so the second part shall be released soon.