Hello, everyone. Today marks a truly remarkable thing; this is my very first actual review of a real video game. I put in a lot of effort toward making this review as excellent as possible. Just be aware that I'm new to this, so please forgive me if not everything is quite perfect. I'll be trying out some new things too. It won't all be great, but still, I'm sure they won't be too bad. Let's hope I make Wiffles proud.

FINAL FANTASY XIII

I'd like to start by saying, most people who review a game will typically play it first. While I'm sure that can be a big help, I think that at this point that's a bit overdone and overrated. Also, I didn't exactly have a "remote" for my PS3. I may have lost it a while back and didn't quite feel like buying a new one just to play one game, so... hopefully that won't pose much of a problem.

At first I wanted to at least try to create some semblance of playing the game by playing through Final Fantasy 6 and 7. I was told that while 6 plus 7 does equal 13, it probably wouldn't fly with the readers, so I let that go.

As a way to work around that I ask that you go play the game before reading on. I realize that reviews are often used to decide whether or not to buy the game, but hey, who's doing the review here? I'm doing the heavy lifting, the lifting of my fingers to tap a little screen, so the least you can do is work with me. I promise my input will more than make up for the inconvenience.

Now that you're playing the game, gee aren't those controls something? Certainly something positive, negative, or in between, right? That's a nice menu. Fighting sure is that level of fun it strikes you as. Some of those items are super useful even though some other items may not be. Leveling up can be a doozy, huh? If leveling up is part of that game, that is.

Woo, that was really an ordeal for me. I hope you appreciate it.

As for graphics, if I remember the commercials for the game prior to its release, it really looks very pretty. As I said before, I couldn't actually play the game, but if the box art is any indication then some scenes look pretty well done. Other parts, I don't know. I did manage to see some opening parts of the game though, like the main menu. Unfortunately that's about all it showed me when I just popped in the disc, so that's where this ends. It did look very good though.

In terms of story this definitely seems like an exciting game. Judging from the promos I saw, apparently every line is shouted dramatically. So that's cool. If I had to guess, there's probably a beginning, a middle, and an end. Maybe there's some struggle in there, I don't know, but there's likely fighting going on. I imagine you play as the protagonist(s) and end up defeating the enemy. Or maybe they all die at the end, who knows? Probably someone who actually played the game or at least read about it. But let's not focus on what I could have done better. Instead let's just move on.

Now you must be thinking this isn't a very good review, and you're right, but I assure you this next part gets much better.

So many people get caught up with playing the game that they completely overlook many other important aspects. For example, have you ever noticed the game discs make excellent frisbees? Also, with enough games you have a spectacular paperweight that can double as a pen holder with the help of that hole in the middle. That's great, right?

You can use the box as a backscratcher or as a doorstop, you can fix a short leg on a table with it, and you can hide things in there if that's something you need. What else... Oh! You can use the box as a coaster too.

Thanks for reading. Aren't you glad you held through to the end?