It all started when our adventurer, Lani , woke up in a bush. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling extraordinarily frustrated, Lani slapped a mitten, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly, she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her best friend, Kanye . Lani had known Kanye for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Kanye was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... clueless. Lani called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Kanye picked up to a very calm Lani . Kanye calmly assured her that most capybaras cringe before mating, yet beavers usually scandalously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Lani . Why was Kanye trying to distract Lani ? Because he had snuck out from Lani 's with the iPad only six days prior. It was a enticing little iPad... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Lani got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Kanye sneezed. Relunctantly, Kanye invited her over, assuring her they'd find the iPad. Lani grabbed her piano and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kanye realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPad and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Lani took the Daewoo, he had take at least three minutes before Lani would get there. But if she took the Sports Car? Then Kanye would be very screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kanye was interrupted by eleven stupid Foxs that were lured by his iPad. Kanye belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he recklessly reached for his mitten and randomly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Sports Car rolling up. It was Lani .

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of butterknifes, so she knew she was running late. With a hasty leap, Lani was out of the Sports Car and went sassily jaunting toward Kanye 's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kanye was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the iPad into a box of pencils and then slid the box behind his bed. Kanye was frustrated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Kanye wildly purred. With a hasty push, Lani opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted idiot in a '82 Corolla,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Kanye assured her. Lani took a seat far away from where Kanye had hidden the iPad. Kanye cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Lani was distracted. Out of nowhere, Kanye noticed a funny-smelling look on Lani 's face. Lani slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Kanye felt a stabbing pain in his face when Lani asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the iPad right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Lani 's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's socks from when she used to have pet capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Lani nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Kanye could react, Lani thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

Lani stared at Kanye for what what must've been nine milliseconds. Out of nowhere, Kanye groped surreptitiously in Lani 's direction, clearly desperate. Lani grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kanye let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Lani ,' he rebuked. Kanye always had been a little annoying, so Lani knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Kanye did something crazy, like... start chucking butterknifes at him or something. All of a sudden, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Kanye looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Lani . 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Lani . 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kanye walked over to the window and looked down. Lani was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Lani was struggling to make her way through the forest behind Kanye 's place. Lani had severely hurt her neck during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Foxs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Lani . Already weakened from her injury, Lani yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Foxs running off with her iPad.

But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Lani 's iPad. Feeling displeased, God smote the Foxs for their injustice. Then He got in His Viper and blasted away with the fortitude of 2,000 koalas running from a enormous pack of capybaras. Lani fell with joy when she saw this. Her iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes her favorite TV show, Pandora Hearts, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When koalas meet contraceptive'. Lani was pleased. And so, everyone except Kanye and a few rusty razor blade-toting hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.