I get habits when I get close to someone, im not going to lie. I check peoples profiles every day. People who hate me and people who are okay with me. I check to see if their ok. I know its obsessive, but I care about people, including those who look down upon me, and you know who you are. Theres three on this website. Im probably the worst person in the world other than those who treat me like trash on here after I open up to them, theres two of them here and five in real life.

Iv seen my share of abuse, iv felt my share of abuse. But its the emotional abuse that someone deals on me after I open up to them. On this site maybe eleven people know my real name and only four of them realise it. And two of that four have completely ruined my life.

And im not going to lie, because of my personality I will build my life around a person, iv done it twice on here and recently I can't take it anymore.

My friends are starting to notice. Just the other day my friend [Raven] had to restrain me from going after someone because he insulted a person who makes videos on youtube and I adore this person.

I broke down in tears afterwards because everyone I adore hates me. My father hates me, my pastor most likely hates me, even my own brother... Iv had friends give up on me.

I was abused by children all my life, now here I am 15 and im ready to just throw my life away because people have thrown me away, just like my father.

Do I believe in love? I did, but now all I see is people at church making out, all I know in my life is loving people then having them throw me away. Iv never dated, no drugs, no crimes and a perfect student, yet everything I do is wrong in the eyes of the world.

I get depressed, shy, and scared of people. I can't look people in the eyes anymore.

If this is what people call love, using someone and then throwing them away like nothing. Then I want no part in it...

Im sorry if I'v offended anyone, but im weary of all this.