I find I do a better job of writing when I have a purpose to it. I really can't stand a lot of what I write, but a lot of what I write is written offhandedly. I tend to like things better when I go in with some sort of goal, even if it's just something like "I want to make a bunch of poop jokes". I think that's why I have these long periods of time when I don't write anything.

For a while I haven't tried to write anything that had any sort of significance to me, and so all those times I opened up a new blog and tried to slap something on there I ended up just deleting the things. The bigger problem though is that I also have no control over when I want to write something I care about.

I've been in a lot of different moods when writing a lot of different things but as far as I can tell none of those moods ever impacted what I wrote. If I happen to want to write something, it's completely independent of what I'm thinking, feeling, and going through. There's a bit of a disconnect between what state I'm in and what I put out. Isn't that funny? The exact opposite of what I've always heard makes writing a fulfilling experience.

Here's something new.

Something New

I've been kind of upset lately. I met someone a few weeks ago who I really like but I don't think they're overly fond of me. And that's exactly the kind of thing I'd like; I WANT someone who in any reasonable sense is far too emotionally commited to a person they don't know very well, with that person being me. Like if you met someone and right away they said they loved you and they were borderline obsessive about seeing you, hearing you, smelling you, and just being around you. That's pretty much how I am on the rare occasion I find someone who I immediately like. Of course I'm not exactly like that. I'm much more reasonable in that I'd never verbally say how I feel. That seems a little off to me. Maybe even unbalanced. I mean I'm not a weirdo or anything. I'm just passionate.

The person's name is Jamie, by the way. They're nice.

On a related note, I've been learning some interesting things in my communications class. Apparently verbal deception can be classified into two main types; simulation and dissimulation. Simulative deception is when you convey false information with the intent of creating a false impression, whereas dissimulation can be simply not conveying true information with the intent of creating a false impression. For example, saying you're good friends with someone who you don't even know would be simulative deception because you're saying something false to create a false impression. But if someone were to ask if you were friends with that same person and you were to answer something like "I've spent a lot of time with them" with the intent of giving off the impression that you are indeed friends with them, then that would be dissimulation because you haven't actually said anything false but are still trying to create a false impression. It's like the difference between making up a story entirely and omitting certain details of a true story.

So if I were tell you "I know this person named Jamie, we've spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun together. We're good friends" when in reality I've not formally met the person but in fact have only been watching them from inside their closet, at what point does my story make the cross from dissimulation to simulative deception? Something to think about.

I'd like to point out though that if they're having fun in their room and I'm having fun watching them have fun in their room, would that not count as having fun together? How much more together can two people be when they're already technically in the same room?

I asked Jamie that same question, but it didn't seem to bring us any closer together, a fun and engaging question though it may be.

Anyway, I tried a few things to get Jamie to like me more, but I think that's something for another blog. I don't think I could tie them in with what I've already written here without making this blog a lot longer. That would require some simulation and dissimulation, two things I rarely engage in. I'm just not a deceptive person.

In the meantime though, does anyone have any idea why Jamie wouldn't like me? I've thought about it and I just don't get it. Wouldn't you like someone better after they talked to you about something so interesting as that whole business about types of deception while even providing thought provoking examples like the ones I presented?

Thanks for reading, and I hope you learned something.