Yea, you do.

You know why? Because greasy ass breakfast is good for you, it puts hair on your chest, it makes you poop, and most importantly, it gosh darn tastes effing good.

So what are we making?

Homemade hashbrown potatoes, eggs and sausage.

Hells yea.

Aight, so first up you are gonna need some stuff.

You are gonna want some potatoes, if you are cooking for two, you want three large potatoes, or a four or five small to medium potatoes.

I prefer red potatoes over anything, they are sweeter, taste less starchy and just are better than those nasty ass brown or yellow pleb potatoes. Screw them, red potatoes for life.

You also want a grater. Duh.



Next up, you want some oil, spices, and whatever else you want to throw in there.

I am a HUGE fan of Johnny's Seasoning, everyone that cooks should use this crap in everything they cook, also a tad bit of garlic salt is never a bad thing.



Aight so you are gonna take the grater and grate some potatoes. Just rub those little things up against the metal and grind them till they are nothing. Take your frustrations out on those things. After you are done, they should look like this.



Next, you are going to put some oil in a pan, heat it on medium and let it get a bit warm.



When its warm enough, throw all of the potatoes you just brutally killed and make sure it is somewhat soaked in the oil, make sure you pat it down and make it as solid as possible, to make it easier to flip.



Let it sit for about 5 or 6 minutes, and prod it with a metal prong thingie to make sure its solid on the bottom, turn it in the pan so the bottom gets cooked evenly, and when you think its ready gently flip it over and finish cooking the other side.

While all of this is cooking, put a bit of oil in a different pan.



Get some sausage or bacon, or both and put that in the oil cooking on medium heat. I used some precooked sausage for this, but I usually use some really good organic sausage that cooks really clean and does not taste like dog turds. But whatevs, this is just for a blog.



Let the sausage or bacon get good and brown, but not burnt and crispy, if you do that, you screwed up and need to start all over because damn son, how you gonna burn that?



By now, your taters should be done, your bacon/sausage should be done. Take the potatoes off of the burner it was on and lower the heat to about 4ish, take the bacon and or sausage out of the other pan and start putting it on your plate.

Do not...DO NOT drain the oil from the processed pig meat. You are going to use it.

Yea, you are going to cook the eggs in it. Yes, I said, cook the eggs in the pig oil.

With the pan with the pig oil on the burner that your taters were on, start cracking the eggs in making sure you do NOT break the yolk (the yellow part).



As you can see I failed with one of them, and I broke a yolk on the top. Whatevs, my dog got that one.

When the whites are white, and the yellows are yellow on the eggs, its time to use that hand eye coordination that video games, or masturbation, which ever, has taught you. CAREFULLLLLLLY flip the eggs without breaking the yolk.



It should look like that. Let it sit in the pan for a minute or so, till the white on the bottom is not runny.

Serve up the potatoes, sausage, and eggs on a plate and eat this stuff. Its good, its greasy, it will make you poop, it is damn yummy.



And that is how you make a greasy ass breakfast that tastes hella good.

Here is Kavan (my dog) under a blanket.