Nintendo Announces New Hardware -- You Won't BELIEVE What Happens Next By BanMan

By @BanMan
POSTED: 18 Mar 2015 18:05
CATEGORY: Polemic Rant
FEATURED: Yes (@Monstercat)
(Go to comments)

Nintendo recently announced that they are working on new hardware, currently called Nintendo NX. And you're probably wondering what happens next because clickbait.

And the answer to that thought is

Spoiler alert:

Nintendo is doomed.

There's no possible way that this new hardware can in any way work. Nintendo hasn't shared many details, but their delivery suggests that it could somehow be a hybrid of home and portable consoles. That's speculation, of course, but whether or not it's a conventional or hybrid console, it's pretty much over for Nintendo.

Nintendo doesn't know what they're doing. They also gave in to the noob gamers on smartphones by jumping into the app market, which will eliminate any desire for anyone to own a Nintendo brand device.

Maybe they can survive off of software like Sega does now, after their console adventure failed, but it's basically Sony and Microsoft now for hardware.

...

...

OH WAIT. REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE THOUGHT THE NES WOULD FAIL?

OR WHEN PEOPLE THOUGHT THE SNES WOULD FAIL?

OR WHEN PEOPLE THOUGHT EVERY SINGLE OTHER NINTENDO CONSOLE WOULD FAIL?

lol.

Seriously, Nintendo just announced new hardware. We don't even know what it is. And all of a sudden all of the wonderful gaming economics experts show up in all of the news sites' comments. Must be nice knowing more than Nintendo does. How many consoles have you made? Oh, that's nice.

Let me say this:

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WILL TURN OUT.

Folks have been saying the Wii U will get game over'd because no third party, no games. And what do we have here? A thriving console with some of the best games Nintendo has ever made.

Or how about the 3DS, where those same gaming economics experts said it was through? And now it's sold more than 50 million units? (Reference: Wikipedia. Get ref'd.) I've got to say, if your expertise about those two systems alone said they both will fail, you've got a pretty bad track record for anyone to believe you about the upcoming NX.

"but the virtual boy faled lol"

And that was 20 years ago, if you were even old enough to study sales and revenue then, or for that matter, if you were even alive yet.

I'm fairly certain Nintendo has a decent plan for any upcoming consoles. And whether or not you think it will succeed, your record of incorrect predictions versus Nintendo's record of hugely successful game consoles has Nintendo in first place like when Bowser driving Mr. Scooty gets lapped in Mario Kart.

That's how stupid it looks to throw out a claim about Nintendo's definite failure when they have just simply announced that they're working on a console.

So don't be a Bowser on Mr. Scooty, and let's not be hasty to claim such things.

Good day.

+16 -0

arielpokemaster
23 Mar 2015 14:23

cool

VOCALOiD LOVER
21 Mar 2015 21:49

My mom told me about this the other day. I was shocked. But I am looking forward to it.

GuitarGodAnth
21 Mar 2015 02:21

Buzzfeed pls

Nin10doh98
19 Mar 2015 23:54

"You Won't BELIEVE What Happens Next"
What? I thought I has AdBlock on. WHY ARE THESE ARTICLES SHOWING UP- Oh, it's just Banny.

"A thriving console with some of the best games Nintendo has ever made."
Oh, you mean: Game & Wario, NSMBU, Tekken TT2, SM3DW, MK8, Pikmin 3, Nintendo Land, Rayman Legends, and Bayonetta 2. Right?

And you DON'T mean: Sonic Boom, Meme Run(now that it's GONE), Wii Party U, and the shovel-ware. Right? RIGHT? RIGHT?!?!

I hope so.

FancyPants
21 Mar 2015 21:33
In reply to Nin10doh98

Game and Wario is trash.

I'm waiting for the day Warioware 3D comes.

Nin10doh98
22 Mar 2015 00:36
In reply to FancyPants

*cough*GAMER*cough*
*cough*SKETCH*cough*
*cough*BIRD*cough*
*cough*ISLANDS*cough*
*cough*CAPSULES*cough*
*cough*THIEF*cough*

Ahem. Sorry, I needed to clear my throat.

FancyPants
22 Mar 2015 00:43
In reply to Nin10doh98

The day they turned microgames into minigames is a sad day.

Nin10doh98
22 Mar 2015 00:59
In reply to FancyPants

The capsules were microgames.

Raisons du Coeur
19 Mar 2015 20:57

Hey, I LOVE Bowser on Mr. Scooty, BanJerk!

HullBreach
19 Mar 2015 20:47

The NX will be a warp-5 starship, not a game console. Reggie is changing his name to Jonathan Archer. I plan on preordering because I want to beat up Klingons in a Samus suit.

BanMan
20 Mar 2015 03:48
In reply to HullBreach

Not a Zero Suit, right?

HullBreach
21 Mar 2015 12:02
In reply to BanMan

A bikini

Monstercat
21 Mar 2015 17:22
In reply to HullBreach

Now we're talking!

Monstercat
18 Mar 2015 19:20

The poor performance of the Wii U was a result of pathetic third-party software and unimpressive hardware. We've discussed this before, BanMan. The kiddies want AAA titles and FPSs. The market has shown this trend.

That being said, the entire console market is going downhill, so it's not just the Wii U. But it is being hit the hardest.

So.

Developers have pretty much given up on the Wii U at this point.

Now, this does NOT mean the NX won't sell. For all we know, it'll be the next big thing, just like the Wii. It will drive third parties back in and sales back to impressive standards.

But, I honestly doubt it. I believe it is just going to be another failed attempt, because of the missing third party. It's a big risk. Perhaps I'm being way to pessimistic, but I just don't see Nintendo making something extraordinary again. Not this soon.

I'd like to see the NX use holograms. That'd be impressive.

BanMan
19 Mar 2015 01:54
In reply to Monstercat

Are you saying the NX will flop or are you just saying it probably won't reach the Wii's popularity?

If it's the latter, I don't think that's a huge deal, since the Wii was something that reached non-gamers. But if it's the other, vroom vroom.

The main issue with the Wii U's start was a lack of great first party software. Third party support may have helped sales more, but considering that Nintendo hasn't been big on third party since the 64, it's apparent that this isn't necessary for Nintendo to create a successful console.

Monstercat
27 Oct 2018 05:16
In reply to BanMan

edit i was wrong

Monstercat
19 Mar 2015 02:45
In reply to BanMan

Unless there is something about the NX that is truly innovative, it won't sell.

atreyufan1500
18 Mar 2015 19:18

I wanna see what the hardware will be like. People will think every new thing will fail, but that doesn't mean it will.

Nintendo Announces New Hardware -- You Won't BELIEVE What Happens Next

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