I learn to hate myself more every day, no matter how much I try to find joy, I only find despair and emptiness But its weird, no matter how much I want to love who I am, I only find more reasons to hate myself. why do I have to be who I am, it has done nothing but hurt me every single day. I get what I ask for day after day, night after night in some way or another, but I never seem to get what I really want or what my heart cries for. and it's all because of who I am. I don't like hating the man I see in the mirror, but I can't help it, cause no matter how hard I hope for her to love me, I know I will die alone one day. she will be happy and in someone else's arms, while I lay alone, waiting for that darkness to embrace me, by then my will to live will be gone, fearing what the darkness has in store for me but not running from it anymore. and some of the people I know might ask, why, or how can I help, but the sad truth is, there is no help for me, I barely enjoy what most call life anymore, feeling like I am the star in my own horror movie, where no matter how hard I try, life just seems to drag any joy from me in some way or another. but none of this really matters, no one really cares, not the woman I love, not the people that call themselves my family, and no one that will ever read this. or at least... that's how I feel, empty, alone, and worthless, every bit of hope I have slowly fading.