Hello I'm back from the grave and I'm here to write a crap review for a boring horror movie. It's gonna contain spoilers so u h if you plan to watch He's Out There then, maybe don't read this yea? If you want to know my basic opinion of the movie though, I don't reccomend it. It's boring and half the time the only things happening are child actors screaming and crying for almost no reason. Its not even worth it if you just want to see gory kills or anything because almost no one dies. The story isn't really even that good. Why are these people being murdered? No reason. Just because.

Anyway, onto me just mostly making jokes at the ridiculous plot points of this movie.

The basic plot of the movie is, some dumb family consisting of Laura, her husband Shawn and their two little hell spawn Kayla and Maddie plan to go on a summer vacation to a remote lake house.
The father can't go with them immediately because something something important meeting. So its just The woman and her two crotch goblins being stalked by a psychopath.

This already sounds like the worst because of the two children, and oh boy it is. When these two little rats aren't weirdly calm during scenes where they aren't the focus all they do is cry and scream. Like thats all they do. The children are honestly the worst part of this movie. I'm not sure how young they were supposed to be

But its a horror movie. Children can't die no matter how easy it should have been to off them. These children make some dumb decisions too let me tell you.

Early on in the movie these two little heathens find a red string leading off into the forest. So they decide to follow it, why? I guess red string is very enticing to small children? No one taught them stranger danger or anything like that? I'm not sure. But that's what they do.
As they follow this red string into the forest they find a tea party. And look, I don't know about you but if I was a child and I found a random tea party in the middle of the woods with two cupcakes just kind of sitting there, I'd immediately gtfo. Maybe I was just a boring child.
So these two morons decide that this is the least suspicious thing ever and Maddie eats one of the cupcakes. Kayla decides that she infact does not love her father and will give him her suspicious woodland cupcake.

As you would expect, suspicious cupcakes you found in the woods are not safe to eat and Maddie suddenly gets sick. It's never explained if Mr Psychopath poisoned those cupcakes, or if the kid just got sick because someone put ribbon written on in sharpie in some cupcakes then left them in the forest. But unfortunately Maddie never dies, so either its the slowest poison ever or someone should have taught a certain someone ribbon isn't edible.

Anyway, Laura realizes something is wrong with her precious baby and finds the cupcake Kayla was saving to poison her father with. Unfortunately she does not get mad at her stupid children for eating forest cupcakes. Instead she decides that they are going to leave and go to the hospital because dumbass over there is probably poisoned now.

This is when the screaming and crying starts. For no reason whatsoever really Kayla suddenly decides, that while she was brave enough to follow a suspicious red string of yarn, to a suspicious forest tea party, and let her sister eat a suspicious murder cupcake, she cannot infact follow her mother outside to a car in the dark. Why? I have no idea. At this point they haven't once seen Mr Murder Man, and besides finding weird cupcakes nothing bad has happened.

Eventually Laura convinces her ankle biter to go out to the car so they can take the sick child to the hospital. But haha get pranked, you thought you could get away that easily? Pshh, no. Some how this psycho managed to loosen two of the wheels off their van. So they crash.

So they go back in the house. For awhile nothing else really happens, psycho man messes with them a little bit. Children whine and cry some more and then Shawn shows up. Will he be our saving grace? Will he save his family from certain doom?

No.

Apparently he is the reason his children are so mystified by suspicious red string, because he too finds his own red string to follow. He does so. For some reason he assumes this is his family pranking him for being late.

Cause y'know those typical wholesome family pranks of, when your husband calls you don't answer and or breathe havily into the mic, lock the gate leading up to your home so he can't get in and leaving a suspicious red string with a note saying "follow me" trailing off into the woods into the dead of night.

Shawn follows his new found red string into the forest, because no one's died yet, someones got to. Then he is promptly murdered by Bootleg Jason. You don't see him get killed, hear him get killed or anything. You just see psychopath wielding and axe then it cuts away.

Somehow this murderer managed to both record Shawn talking while he was walking up to the tea party of death, and then manage to drag his body all the way back to the house, carry it up to the roof and rig it to fall down when Laura fell for the trick of it being her husband trying to get in.

So Laura is upsetti in her spaghetti because her hubby is dead, and those two little demons seeing their mother doubled over crying, decide that yes. Their father is totally out there. Everything is fine now. And Laura being the idiot horror movie character she is, does not try to tell them, that no their dad isn't there. I can understand her not telling her young kids that "Oh yea your dads dead lol." But I'm pretty sure the only reason she doesn't tell them that it was a trick or that he isn't there at all is for a set up later.

So after that a bunch of more nothing happens, Laura leaves her children in a closet to get they keys from Shawn's corpse, then Owen shows up. Who's Owen? Not important, he was there for a couple minutes in the beginning as an obvious bait and switch to make you think he's gonna be the psycho, only to get an axe to the brain from our lovely neighborhood axe murderer John.

Yes. Bootleg Jason's name is John.

And because I just lost a ton of writing to a phone call, I'll just skim through the rest.

Laura is finally for realzies murdered, except her children find her not dead in the trunk of their dads car. John puts an axe into her kidney because of this.

The children run back inside and hide under a bed. John follows them and because he's not completely stupid, knows they are under the bed. He sits on it and begins to monologue to them about how he used to live there and he's been stalking their family for the longest time.

After John gets tired of being rudely ignored by two children he flips the entire bed over and chloroforms two little girls.

This should be the end. John wins right? Wrong.

Laura didn't die from a kidney wound and by the morning, when John still hasn't managed to hack up two defenseless chloroformed children, she manages to make a distraction and "kills" him. With his own axe.

How she got it, I don't know since he had just previously had it. But all is well, the remainder of the family escapes in Shawn's car. John also somehow gets away, after getting an axe embedded into his spinal column.

Then you realize that in this movie, that was lowkey supposed to be a slasher literally only two people died.

That and John had literally no motivation to kill these people. He just did. I guess that's a normal Tuesday afternoon for him.

Yea I know not everything needs some indepth explanation as to why people are being murdered in slasher movies, but atleast there usually is a bit of one in others.

In Friday the 13th Jason was killing camp counselors cause he was mad his mom was murdered, and Pamela had been murdering camp counselors because she was mad her special boy drowned.

In Child's Play Chucky was trying to kill whatever the kids name was so he could take his body and not be a doll.

But in this movie John just kills this family, or attempts to for no reason. He just did. He was also trying to make an effigy of the family and use body parts from them to replace parts of the dolls and thats never explained either.

The movie was overall just really disappointing, it was mostly boring with a lot of child screaming, pretty much no one dies. But you just wish the children would so they'd be gone. You really never see John until the end and when you finally do it's just kind of disappointing.

He isn't scary or intimidating. He's just a lanky dude in a stupid mask that kind of looks like a bag he scribbled on in marker.

If the children weren't in this movie it might make it a little more tolerable but it wouldn't fix that fact that its so incedibly boring. It takes almost over half the movie for anyone to start dying. Even then the only one you see on screen get killed is Owen. It immediately cuts away once you barely see John behind Shawn.

So that was a review. I guess? I mostly wanted an excuse to write out the basic plot of a bad movie and write dumb jokes I thought of while I had been watching it.