� That thought echoed in my head, over and over again. I had the perfect plan. I would go up to her, ask her if I could talk to her alone, and then I'd confess my feelings to her. Now, while that may not seem like a plan, in and of itself, I chose to call it that because I had a backup plan. A failsafe. However, doubts kept creeping through my head from all sides. "Now is really not the time for a relationship." "What if she says no?" "Can I take responsibility for this?" "What if she says no?" "What if I say something wrong?" "What if she says no?"
� "Hey Kin!", said a cheerful voice from behind me. "Oh, uhh, hi", I mumbled. It was her, looking at me with a beautiful smile on her face, her hair gently floating in the wind.�
-I'm really doing this.-
"Hey, uhh, listen", I began. "Theres something I've been meaning to tell you." I could feel my stomach clenching slightly. "Oh? What is it?" she asked. "How long have we known eachother?" I asked, trying to ignore the burning sensation I was getting in my stomach. "Oh, I dunno. Almost a year?" she replied. "Thats how long." I answered. She gave me a confused look.
-I came this far, I shouldn't back down now.-
"Thats how long..." I paused here for a few moments. A few moments that felt like hours. "...how long I've been in love with you." Her mouth fell open slightly, as she looked at me with shocked eyes. "Really?", she whispered. "Yeah...", I replied, weakly. I looked up at her face, and saw what I feared. From the way she bit her lip, and from the way her eyes looked at me, I could almost predict what she was about to say. "I'm really touched that you feel that way, but..." Her voiced trailed off. And with it, my hopes left me. It had happened. I had been rejected. Who knew what awkwardness this would bring to us. Who knew what damage I may have caused to our friendship. I was selfish. I was a fool to think she may have ever thought of me as more than just a friend. All those times I had convinced myself otherwise, I was just deluding myself. I knew what I had to say now, and as I was gathering the willpower to say it with a straight face, I was hoping beyond hope that this would fix things. Make them as if I hadn't blurted anything out.
"April fools", I said.�
She looked even more confused than a few minutes ago. "Huh?" she finally said. "That was a joke. I wasn't serious. Its the 1st of April today isn't it?" Those words came out hollow. With no emotion. With a complete lack of enthusiasm. She smiled slightly, but her heart wasn't in it. "Haha", she laughed. It was obviously forced. "You almost had me there." "Yeah, I coulda been an actor", I answered feebly. "Well, uhh, that was awkward wasn't it?" I said, regaining some of my usual cheerfulness. "Yeah", she said. "Well I'm gonna leave now before it gets any more awkward", I said, as I left, defeated.
By Kin no Kokoro
