So I went into my Steam library bored as hell and then I saw a game I hadn't played in a while on there. My number 3 game of all time, actually. There it was collecting pixels of virtual dust and I brushed it off and downloaded it again.

That game was Cave Story +.

Let me tell you I played Cave Story all the way back in 2005, because I had a crap computer and it was the only thing I could play. This is just to tell you that I'm a Cave Story hipster not a scrub, which qualifies this review as correct and you are not entitled to your opinion if it differs from mine.

So, Cave Story.

GRAPHICS
The old Cave Story had purposely nostalgic 8-bit graphics to go along with its old fashioned gameplay. It has a nice charm because when its combined with the competently translated yet still somewhat fractured dialogue it really does feel like some sort of "lost" NES game. Except a million times better than any NES game. Cave Story + on the other hand, updated the graphics into a sort of cartoony-retro style, and it really does fit, perhaps more so than the original. While the original succeeded with the cute-as-a-button bunny people which worked well with the cutesy graphics, the new one can not only portray those but also bring across some of the more disturbing character designs as well.

SOUND
I'm going out on a limb here.
Best old school soundtrack out there
I can't really say much more about the music other than to go listen to the main theme (both original and remastered) and just try not to hum it all day. If you succeed, congratulations! You have no soul.
The sound effects are also retro-cute but there's nothing outstanding as far as I can remember.

Story
I really like it. It's straight forward enough that you never get confused and the main plotline (Evil Doctor go shoot him) never becomes buried under a pile of subplots. However, if you talk to all the characters and do some sidequests, you can piece together not only the backstory of the characters, but also the state of the world below. It's a tonal whiplash for sure once you figure out what has actually happened below, but the way it's present and yet not forced makes it all the more interesting.
Perhaps most importantly, YOU, the main character, plays an active role in the plot at all times. I really hate when you just are sort of "there" for the plot and if your character had gone out for tea rather than adventuring it would have all been the same outcome, which happens in more games than you would think. This one makes sure you are at the center of the plot at all times.

My one problem with the game is that the Curly Brace sub-story (needed to get the best ending and unlock all the content) requires you to make some obtuse choices. But that's what walkthroughs are for, right?

Gameplay

The kicker. Some of the best- scratch that- the absolute best retro run 'n' gun shooting action out there. Each weapon has purpose and none are ever shoved to the sidelines. Weapons that are better must be worked for and the "Effort in : Pay off" ratio is never lopsided. Every level is designed with extreme care so as to make it a huge challenge. And for the most part, everything is fair. Every death is your fault, and save points are frequent enough that ragequits are uncommon. Best of all, (despite there being no difficulty slider in Cave Story classic) the challenge is determined by the player. A player can breeze through the game and get the bog-standard weapons and upgrades, as well as the "not good" ending. If you're feeling brave, simply step up a notch and maybe grab some of the hidden weapons and find a few of the missile upgrades, and get all the way to the normal ending. If your ass still hasn't taken enough of a beating just step it up to get all the weapons and upgrades and get to the "real" final boss (trust me, you'll need those upgrades) and uncover the unanswered questions to the plot. To me, this is about as top-notch as a game can be in this department and I dare you to find blasting things with the assortment of weaponry not to be hugely satisfying.

And if you have Cave Story + you can always play hard mode and get all the way to throwing your computer out the window. That's the worst ending.


Closing Words

Cave story came out 8 years ago, and you haven't played it. It was created by a single man. Give that man money. It's out for every console/handheld that matters for cheap. It's on my Top 5 games of all times.

I don't believe in perfect scores. Except in extremely, extremely select cases. This is one of those cases.

SCORE: 10/10
BUY IT YOU SCUMBAG

(If you bought this game I apologize for all the times I belittled you. Go play the game again, though)