1.)The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
2.)The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
3.)Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
4.)There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
5.)Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
6.)Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
7.)Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
8.)Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
9.)Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
10.)I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
11.)Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
12.)The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not
13.)In God we trust; all others must pay cash
14.)Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from
15.)You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!
16.)Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain
17.)Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
18.)Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
19.)What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
20.)He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
