So you want to learn how to be sarcastic? You're in the right place. Unless you're illiterate, then to be frank I'm impressed you've got this far.

THE BENEFITS OF SARCASM

The main reason people use sarcasm is because it makes them look so incredibly, insanely cool. Seriously, people who are ridiculously clever and witty use sarcasm to show how awesome they are in much the same way that rich people used to eat meat with every meal to show how wealthy they were.

There is literally nothing cooler than sarcasm. It's scientifically proven, as you can see in this highly scientific graph:

Sarcasm is that oh so beautiful and elegant tool which separates the cool people from the losers. Picture this scenario:

Person A: "So I went down to the pet shop today."

Person B: "Oh yeah, what were you buying?"

Person A: "A pet."

Person B: "Ah."

-converstaion comes to boring end-

Wasn't that a boring coversation? I know I think it was. The reason it was boring is that Person B didn't know why Person A was going to the pet shop, and so he told him. The amount of sarcasm was low, therefore the amount of coolness was low.

Here's a slightly more interesting version:

Person C: "So I went down to the pet shop today."

Person D: "Oh yeah, what were you buying?"

Person C: "New shoes."

Person D: -stares at Person A blankly-

Wasn't that conversation MUCH more thrilling? Person C certainly seems like a much more hip and trendy dude than silly old Person A. Person A is probably the kind of person who goes to sleep with a night-light and talks to his cactus when he's lonely.

The thing that Person C used which made him so much cooler than silly little Person A is that he used SARCASM. Sarcasm is a rather lovely form of irony/wit, when you say basically the opposite of what's true, or you imply something which is obviously false, and is used for various reasons.

These reasons include, but are not limited to:

-Being incredibly annoying-

-Expressing contempt for a situation or action-

-Trolling people-

-Showing up how stupid someone's question was-

-Insulting someone in a slightly more imaginative way-

-Laughing at people who don't get you're being sarcastic-

There are some ignorant poeple, whose heads sarcasm seems to fly over:

Person 1: (says something very very loudly)

Person 2: "Could you have said that any louder?"

Person 1: "Oh, sorry (says it even louder)"

In the above scenario, Person 1 appears to have completely missed the point of Person 2's sarcastic comment. Beware, though, that it is always possible they could be practising "reverse trolling," also known as "cannibal trolling" or "trollbait," where a person will appear to be a prime troll victim by pretending they're upset or didn't get it, and inwardly laughing at the original troll. This is very advanced trolling stuff, so don't worry if you're confused. For more reference on cannibal trolls, see this highly informative article put together by a whole lot of people wearing white coats.

There are a few simple steps to creating a successful sarcastic comment.

1: Spot your opportunity:

Person 1: -returns after playing a game really really badly- "How did I do?"

2: Tell that person exactly the opposite:

"That was the single most spectacular feat of gaming I've ever witnessed."

3: Congratulations, you are now cool!

Final tips-

-It makes you even cooler if you speak really dully and bored-sounding.

-It's not enough to just say the opposite, you have to really go on and on about it. Make your sarcastic comment as long and eloquent as possible, with plenty of exaggeration and whatnot.

-Don't forget to use sarcasm at every single opportunity! Remember, nobody ever got cool by being literal!

-You will be even cooler if you chew bubblegum and wear a cap backwards.

So, that concludes my informative blog. now use your new skills to go out there and make some really really really really really cool sarcastic comments!