Hello, everyone. Some of you may have recently read about a certain non-experiment involving cows and toast. A non-experiment spawned from a discussion between a certain hideously incorrect admin, let's call him BunMan(BM for short), and a certain astoundingly spectacular and attractive user who out of respect for privacy I'll refer to as NumberOneTerrificMiracleEver, or NOTME. In response to that non-experiment, I've decided to share with you all a real experiment with real results. Hopefully this will give you a bit more information than maybe a certain other blog intentionally written vaguely so as to distract from how grossly wrong its author is. I've loosly based this experiment on the Scientific Method. I've mixed things up though so as to not overcomplicate things with unnecessary details. I hope you enjoy it.

The "Theory"

I very loosly use the word theory because what it claims is so obviously correct and could only be questioned by someone ludicrously wrong and smelly. Smelly like BM.

The theory is that cows can, by some means, toast bread. Be it through a toaster, magic, or some unimaginable third option known only to cows, NOTME claims cows CAN toast bread.

The Experiment

The best way to find something out is to go straight to the source, so NOTME interviewed a few cows about this. Here goes:

NOTME: "Hello, cows. I'll just get right to the point and ask, can you toast bread?"

Cows: "Hello, and thank you for giving us this chance to clear things up for everyone. We appreciate it and are very grateful to you. You're so fantastic. And attractive for a human being. We may be cows but even we can tell that you just ooze charm, beauty, and general magnificence. Anyway, to answer your question, yes, we can definitely toast bread. We can't share with you our method, but if you bring us some untoasted bread we'll be happy to toast some bread for you. Since you're so wonderful and amazing. Unlike that smelly BM."

NOTME: "Oh, thank you so much, cows. You're so kind. I'll go bring the bread now."

The results

I won't bore you with specifics, such as purchasing the bread, bringing it to the cows, or any actual proof of any of this happening, so here's a nice short summary of what happened after that:

NOTME brought the bread, the cows had me and NOTME cover our eyes so as to protect the sacred cow method of toasting bread, and we all enjoyed a nice afternoon of toast and hot chocolate.

So there you go. Cows CAN toast bread, BM is a stinky slanderer, and NOTME is a great person with nothing but positive traits. Thanks for your time.