Humor has many sources, two primal ones being violence and absurdity. Babies love it when people get hurt for no reason.

The Reason I Was Kicked Out of the Student Council

Most people wouldn't guess this about me, but all through school I've been very active in student government. They can't do much and they hardly mean anything, but they do get a lot of attention, and that's what drew me to it. I thought it'd be a fun and flashy thing to do without having to deal with any actual responsibility. That's why I ran for student body president.

I put together some teams of students all working towards the goal of securing my spot as president. One team made posters of me in various heroic poses with inspirational phrases along the bottom and covered the entire school with them. I had them put them up in all the classrooms, hallways, and bathroom stalls. You'd sit down to do your business and you'd see a great big picture of me smiling at you and telling you "You can do it!".

Another team was a performance group. They did a dance and sang about how I'd be great as president. They did short plays where they showed the horrors that the other candidates would bring about should they win. A few of them, unknown to the spectators, staged false fights where they'd argue about how important it was to vote and vote for me specifically.

The last group was just whoever I thought would make me look good. They'd be on stage with me when I'd give speeches and make me look more official.

I did that three times. I ran for president three times, and I was ineligible on every try; only third year students were allowed to be president. Still, I was able to get plenty of attention and write-in votes.

The first year, I received the second most votes. The second year, they made several announcements over the PA telling students to only vote for eligible candidates, but I still wound up in the top five. The counselors didn't like it. One asked me, "Why are you doing this? You aren't even allowed on the ballot. You're taking away attention from the real candidates and wasting everyone's time."

But I didn't give up! I kept on going! I ran again partway through my second year, while no elections were even being held! And then finally! In my third year! ... I didn't run because I was busy with certain performance projects.

But because of the reputation I'd built up among the other students, I was overwhelmingly voted in as not only the president but also the secretary, treasurer, and vice president. I won. And I chose the first job.

Most people would say that a president who doesn't read any papers, talk to the other council members, or even attend any meetings, is probably not very attentive, and isn't going to be president for very long. Well, completely neglecting most of my duties wasn't what got me kicked out. In fact, I probably could have shown up and just thrown water at everyone all year and still retained my position.

Plus, it's not like I didn't do anything at all. I did what I most enjoyed in school; I put on a flashy show. Any time students were called to the auditorium for any reason whatsoever, I always made sure to make my presence as student body president known. I'd give a lot of speeches, even if I didn't know what the assembly or whatever was about. I'd just get up on stage, wave at everyone and smile, go to the podium and say things.

That's really as specific as I can get, too. I just said things. I literally don't remember a single word I said up there at any point. I could have been talking about school lunches or moose for all I know. I only know I really liked getting up in front of everyone and giving a spirited speech. A lot of teachers described it as "inappropriate".

And whenever I wasn't talking or had to hand the mic over to someone, I'd keep people's attention. I'd do a dance or wave a flag around. A few times I put a mask on and snuck up behind the other people on stage. It was fun.

Anyway, what finally got me kicked out was when we were having an anti-bullying assembly, and one student got up and started shouting, "That's them! That's the one who keeps following me around with that damned mask!"

I had on my ShyGuy mask painted to look like it was crying, and I guess the kid recognize it.

A meeting was held with a bunch of faculty and the kid, and me, and the kid explained that since the year began he'd been shadowed by someone wearing my mask, my clothes, and who was about my height and had the same hair style as me. He said they'd just show up out of nowhere when he was alone and they'd stare at him while doing some silly dance or something.

I guess the teachers thought this was a problem, and maybe it wasn't such a good idea for the president to be someone who so closely resembled the "stalker", as they put it.

So that's what happened. I'm told nothing was proven though.

Doesn't that suck? I lost my position because of some freak coincidence. During my "other projects" too.