There's a lot I regret. There are a lot of things I shouldn't have done and even more things that I should have done. I should have acted differently with almost everyone. There were times when I should have been more open about my feelings. There were times when I should have completely hidden what I was thinking. When it comes to all the choices I've made so far, overall I'd say things would have gone far better if I'd done the opposite of what I instead chose to do.

I don't think I would have gotten any closer to any of my goals. I'm absolutely sure I wouldn't have gotten anything I wanted no matter what choices I'd made. Over the years I've been finding out that from the start I never had the slightest chance of achieving anything I ever wanted. But if I'd done things differently, then I think I'd at least be more comfortable with myself.

When you want to change yourself you need to work toward that end from not only the bigger areas you want changed, but also from the small details. You need to reach into every last little part of the old self and thoroughly wring it out.

I had a crush on that one kid when I was in the third grade. I liked them a lot, but when asked about it I said they were dumb and gross. It's true. I said that. But I shouldn't have. I know this doesn't seem like anything important, and that's exactly why I'm starting with this. I need to work on the small details before I move on to my bigger issues.

I also really loved the Digimon movie. I don't remember if it was the first one or what, but it's the only one I saw. I saw it again today and now I can admit that I loved that movie and I still do. Kari looked really cute in those pajamas. I wanted to hug her. And that whistle, it was adorable when she blew on that whistle. Plus, I liked all the music and the Digimon designs still seemed cool. Jo was hardly in the movie at all, but he still got on my nerves.

I guess I can get to something more serious now.

I caused some trouble at a funeral once. I didn't mean to, but I should have restrained myself more. I shouldn't have been laughing the way I was. I wasn't thinking about where I was, and when I started thinking about a joke I'd heard I couldn't help but giggle. I tried to hold it in, but my shoulders gave way and shook while I made some half snorting noises the way you do when you quickly try to cover your laugh.

Almost no one could see my face, so they all mistook my shaking and little noises for crying. One person did see my face though. It was my uncle's funeral, and when my aunt (by marriage) saw me laughing while he was being lowered into his grave, she just lost it. Not that I blame her.

She attacked me. She was across from me, so she had to jump the grave to get to me. But she didn't fully make the jump. She managed to get her hands around my neck before slipping and dragging us both halfway down the hole.

Luckily, everyone around grabbed hold of us so we wouldn't fall in. She wouldn't let go of me though. And she started shouting all of these loud and extremely passionate words in my face. It wasn't the kind of language you'd normally use at a funeral, but you could tell she really meant every last bit of it.

It's a good thing I'd had so much practice acting, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make myself cry so as to avoid everyone figuring out that I was laughing before. My tears convinced them, but no one could convince my aunt. She saw what she saw, and what she saw was me laughing at her dead husband and then making her look crazy for attacking a crying person for no apparent reason. She still won't talk to me.

So I guess that's one of the times I didn't quite behave as I should have. As I said, when you want to change you need to thoroughly wring out your old self, and my aunt definitely had two strong hands in doing that for me.

I hope you can all relate to this and maybe learn something. Thanks for reading.