I feel sick and I can't sleep. It's terrible. And I get sick often.

It's inevitable when you live with other people. Everyone gets each other sick, so you end up sick like half of the year. I also have poor health, so I get sick pretty easily. I should probably start eating right and develop a proper sleeping schedule.

Sweets are so good though. And staying up late is really fun too. What's greater than eating candy at 3AM while you have fun with possibly sick people? And if they're people then there's always the chance they're sick even if you don't know it, so don't go saying you don't hang out with sick people; it's statistically impossible.

This was a long opening, wasn't it? And it's completely unrelated to the subject of the blerg. I hope I can make up for that. I won't delete it though, not unless I run out of space. That's just how I do things. What's done is done, and it's a pain to go back and delete everything once it's all out there already.

Anyway, here's a thing about me. Enjoy.

There's Nothing to Worry About

I'm not sure how or when it happened, but over time I developed this feeling about the world; there's nothing to worry about.

There really is nothing to worry about. It's a totally useless feeling to have. It doesn't help anything and typically only hurts a situation. If things go well it isn't because you worried about it, and if things go horribly it was either independent of what you felt or it happened precisely because you worried and made a poor decision.

But people get upset when bad things happen and you don't get visibly worried. What's with that?

I have this friend, or used to have them, rather, and they'd get really worked about everything. It didn't matter if it was something big or small- actually, they'd get especially worried over small things. I never understood them, but it was pretty fun to tease them about it. We were really close.

One day they were freaking out about a test they'd failed, and I was trying to get them to relax about it. I was talking to them while doing some little magic tricks since people seem to like magic.

They said something like "What am I going to do? My parents are going to be so mad about this"

I was doing a card trick and I said, "Hey, don't worry about it. You failed, but there's nothing you can do about it now. Everyone slips up now and then. You just have to study harder next time, and if your parents can't understand that then you can't exactly reason with them. There's no point in trying to reason with unreasonable people." I showed them the card they'd picked earlier. I'd just stuffed it in my sleeve before and made it look like I pulled it out of their pocket.

Them: "But what if I get punished? My parents are really strict. I don't even want to think about what'll happen if I fail another test"

I started that trick where you pull a bunch of scarves out of something.

Me: "I never thought most punishments were that bad. It's pretty much just time alone. And if you're really worried about failing another test then just use that time being punished to study more and it probably won't happen again soon."

I pulled out the end of the last scarf. It had a paper flower attached to it and I placed it in my friend's hand.

Me: "But you know, given that you did fail a test at all, I think it's entirely possible you could fail another one."

I did magic fingers at the flower; that thing where you point your fingers and wiggle them at something while lifting your arms and making an "Ooooooh" face.

Them: "That doesn't make me feel any better"

The stem of the flower grew longer.

Me: "It should. You seem pretty upset about this, but I don't think you get that bad things will happen to you regardless of what you do. You can't stop them."

Them: "You're saying I'm helpless?"

Leaves sprouted from the stem.

Me: "Pretty much. But so is everyone else, and not just when it comes to bad things; good things also happen whether you want them to or not. Pleasant surprises and happy accidents and all that. And you might miss them if you're busy being worried about the bad shtuff."

I took a leaf and rolled it up.

Me: "All I'm saying is that bad things happen, good things happen, and there's only so much you can do to influence them. It's best to just be hopeful and do what you can. It doesn't help anything to worry, but a positive outlook is always helpful."

Then I pretended to trip and made it look like the rolled up leaf had stabbed me in the eye by using it to burst a fake blood pack I had hidden in my hand. I screamed like hell and flailed around for a minute, then I threw myself over the railing. It really freaked out my friend. They were really fun to mess with.

I didn't let them know right away that it was just a trick. I waited a few days and wore an eyepatch until then. I wonder why we don't talk anymore? I even showed them a perfect example of what I meant.

Thanks for reading. I hope at least you understand me.