Yarrgg! I'm old and I'm angry!

Today's kids are too darned shameless! They need to pick up their pants! Literally! They walk around half naked with their bodies exposed and show no remorse whatsoever!

Why, in my day! We never left the house without at least six layers of padded clothing covering every inch of our bodies! Why? Because our parents taught us right, that the human body is a sick and disgusting thing you should never look at! They taught us to be ashamed of what we were! And we liked it! We loved it! We'd walk around in summer all bundled up in six layers of clothing, sweating our filthy, disgusting butts off, and if we got heat stroke we'd take it like a man! We'd drag our giant, wool covered, swine-like bodies to the side and into a ditch so we could let the real men crawl on by until they fell unconcious too! Then we'd drag them over to the ditches too! That's the way it was, and that's the way we liked it!

Today's hooligans go around showing their ugly faces for all the world to see! Why, in my day! We walked around with bags on our heads so no one could see our hideous, rash covered faces! We'd stumble around, walking into brick walls, breaking our noses and knocking out our teeth, and we liked it! We loved it! Ohhoho, you darned kids wouldn`t last a day in my time!

You darned kids today, with your non-stroke inducing light clothing, your clear faces and perfect teeth, and your sense of pride! In my day, if you couldn't go a week in 100° weather with six layers of wool on and a bag covering your disgusting, ugly face and body, you weren't considered a man and your pigman body would by nailed to a tree by your hands and people would throw rotten eggs at you! And if we made it through the week, we had the shame to never smile our ugly, toothless, scar covered faces because we knew people didn't want to see that mess! That's the way it was, and that's the way we liked it! We loved it! Now go bag your faces, you lazy punk kids!