Alright so let's just go straight into things shall we. I've been dating my girlfriend for only about 4 months. Funny thing is, I first met her when I came across her Twitter page. I'm not joking when I say this but when I saw her page I thought to myself "wow, this girl is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen". It was definitely one of those "I have to have her" moments. It took me awhile to grow a pair and message her, I was so nervous and I wasn't even meeting her in person! I had no idea if she would even message me back or try and embarrass me. Luckily for me she did message me back and my heart sank. I cant explain how relieved I was.Things were going great actually. So we get to talking and I'm really starting to like her honestly. I don't know if she feels like same way because I felt like I was kind of annoying even though she insisted I wasn't a bother.


So fast foward 2 months and believe it or not we're dating! She lives in the next town over from me which is about 25 mins so that's very convenient. Through this time I've been with this girl i'm head over heals for her. How? In such a short time? Yes. Because she's my dream girl. I mean that in the most literal way. She is my dream girl. Everything I've prayed to God about is in this girl, even down to her race. It just amazes me how someone like that came into my life like this. Readers, I just want you to know that I could cry right now thinking about how much of a blessing she is and how grateful I am to have her. Sometimes I have no words for how I feel about her. In all my past relationships, when they ended I would think about all the things I could have fixed. Things such as being less shy, always reminding her how much she means to you, and showing more emotion, which was a big one for me. Everything that I lacked in my past relationships I perfected in this one. Things were surely looking bright finally.


As we head more down the road, the real aspects of being in a relationship start to appear. There are mild arguments here and there, nothing too serious, every couple goes through this, it's part of being in a relationship. As I write this blog my girlfriend and I aren't on good terms and as much as it hurts me to say it we could very much break up soon. Believe me I don't want to break up. I cant even begin to explain how much I love this girl. I've tried all that I can on my end to work things out. The thing is she's stubborn and it just seems like she doesn't want us to get better which really puts me in a bad place. I've spilled my heart out to this girl. She's the only one I want in life and I don't want anything but to see her happy. We text, but it's not the same anymore. Her replies are one worded and nothing flows like it once did.


No one understand how heart breaking it is to share the same love with someone and one day they make you feel so taken for granted the next. I promised myself I would give this girl the relationship she deserved and make up for all the bad ones she had had. When I look back to what it was it automatically makes me sick to know where it's at now. Just knowing all the things I improved myself on that I lacked in my past relationships still failed sucks. I feel like every good intention I had doesn't even matter. And I'm not gonna lie, everytime I would think about how down hill things were going I would get depressed. I don't even rush to tell my mom I have a new girlfriend because in her head her reaction is always "oh great,how long is this gonna last now?" because she's so used to me not being able to hold a relationship and I feel like this is going to be the same case. I'm so used to this happening to me. I'm numb to it. It kills me to think I can't even let a girl meet my family because I'm so used to relationships ending that I don't want them meeting someone new and thinking the samething my mom does.


One thing that upset me was when I called her around 1 in the morning. She was on my mind so I just decided to try my luck and call her. She didn't answer which was fine. I mean she was probably sleeping. But that's not what I was upset about. I was upset at the fact that even the next morning she didn't bother calling me back or texting me to see if anything was wrong or anything like that. God forbid something was happening or I needed help! I was infuriated. To me, that was low; for someone to actually have the audacity to not check in with someone after they called for whatever reason they did that early was really eye opening to me and showed me a lot.


As her attitude has stayed the same I've come to realize more and more that this isn't going to get better. Right now, all those feelings I felt, all that happiness I had with this girl is starting to lessen. It's extremely sad and hurtful that it's happening because like I said this girl is literally my dream girl and a lot of me loves her still but it's like I have to ignore those feelings now. I've come to realize that I don't belong with someone who easily makes me feel like I'm taken for granted. I need someone who is willing to put effort in when things don't look good. The main reason I wrote this blog was to let you guys understand that even though your love for someone pushes you to want things to work out sometimes they dont. You have to know when enough is enough. Before you can love someone else, you have to first love yourself and if you truly love yourself then you should do what's best for you because you are all you have. At the end of the day it's only you. Yes, I have a very bad feeling about my relationship ending and yes I will be in pain if it does but I'm telling myself this and I'm telling you this. We are young. We have our whole lives to find that someone and as much as we want it to happen now with our current boyfriends or girlfriends it won't always be that way. When you get out of a relationship it's not the end of the world. Always take something from your previous relationship(s) and let it help you with your next one. Love hurts but one day all the hurt you've gotten from it will be worth it.